The Orb Lady Wins Amateur Texas Powerlifting Competition

It has been a few months since BNN first reported on The Orb Lady’s crusade to become the fittest woman on Twitch. She had humble origins. At first she was only performing crunches, pushups, and burpees on command from her loyal Twitch audience. But as the fake Bat Flu quarantine went on and on she developed a hunger for building muscle.

Evey resolved to pump iron for five hours every day, except for Sunday to honor Jesus and Mother Mary. A source close to Evey (The Orb Lady) reported that she consumed an average of three pounds of protein powder each day, often snorting lines of it at the end of the night to ensure she was getting enough protein.

All that hard work and snorting paid off as last weekend she won the Austin Amateur Powerlifting competition. In a field of nearly five hundred competitors, Evey showed the world that hard work and a hippie lifestyle can go toe-to-toe with the traditional steroid consuming grind of normal lifters.

BNN wants to congratulate The Orb Lady and we wish her the utmost success in all of her future endeavors, including whatever secret project she is working on right now on her stream (shh, don’t tell Freemz).

Gohndim

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