Hunter Avallone Hunted By Girlfriend’s Deranged Ex

Former conservative thought leader Hunter Avallone barely escaped death by cowering on a balcony behind his girlfriend as her former lover attempted to breach their apartment with a shotgun. The woman in question, “Holle,” allegedly broke the gunman’s (Conrad’s) heart and left him after a mostly peaceful and happy eleven year relationship. Hannah Pearl Davis, an American cultural icon, tweeted that Holle breaking up with Conrad is another example of how men lose everything when relationships end.

Conrad used Apple AirTags to ensure Holle was safely moving around the great state of West Virginia as it can be a very dangerous place. He allegedly showed up at Hunter’s apartment and attempted to breach the door by shooting it. In doing so, Conrad mistakenly wounded Holle in the leg. Hunter immediately ran out to the apartment’s balcony where he pissed all over in fear and trembled while dialing 911.

The encounter from Hunter’s POV can be seen in embedded tweet above. The video raises far more questions than answers. News articles reported that Conrad shot himself. If that is true, why were there so many shots heard in the video? How does one shoot themselves with a shotgun before police would take the opportunity to shoot? Why are so many people getting bent out of shape over mid-tier pussy?

GeekwitGlassesTV, a first responder in West Virginia, happened to be on the scene. “Oh God it was just awful” Geek cried. “Thankfully I was asked to provide first aid in the apartment and I was able to steal some petty cash and a pair of panties.”

Hunter Avallone received plenty of criticism on Twitter about his response to the events. Many believed that he should have done more to protect Holle. More wondered why Hunter did not have a firearm. These questions and more will be answered in the coming days. BNN’s newest lawyer, TheMerls, is working on procuring the bodycam footage. More to come folks, stay safe and God Bless.

-Gohndim