“I Can’t Even Afford Uber Eats” Says Twitch Politics Streamer

Poor people across the country are about to lose their homes as they can no longer afford their mortgage or rent payments due to COVID-19. Thankfully most Twitch political streamers already live with their parents and lack this common adult expense. While the economic downturn is no longer reflected in the stock market, it can be found by talking to any of the thousands of Twitch political streamers who bust their ass every day talking about how the orange man is pretty bad.

BNN first caught wind of this when an anonymous streamer, whom we shall call Michelle, told us via email that she could no longer afford her uber eats bills and was contemplating asking her parents for an allowance like she used to have. When pressed on why she doesn’t get a different job and take responsibility for her life Michelle responded “The work I’m doing on Twitch is incredibly important. Not only am I building a community, but the way I read paywalled articles really resonates with my zoomer audience.”

A recent study by The Center For Internet Economics discovered that 90% of Twitch politics streamers make less than $3,500 per year, a paltry sum that forces these public servants back into their childhood homes. Most parents are happy to help their child pursue their dreams. Michelle’s parents are particularly supportive, telling BNN that “…Michelle really tries her best. We love her and support her with everything she does. I don’t really know what she does to be honest and I don’t agree with how much cleavage she shows on the internet but we just want to see her happy.”

BNN is calling on everyone to stop supporting Twitch politics streamers. These people are actual leeches on society and on average do much more harm than good. If these people all disappeared overnight the world would be better off. I value Thomas Friedman more than I value Twitch politics streamers and I pray nightly for Friedman to pass in his sleep.

Gohndim

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