Every American Should be Proud to Be White
Editor’s Note: What follows is a guest piece by a random chatter from the Pisscord. To submit your own writing, dm Gohndim on Discord or Twitter.
Didn’t it feel like Joe Biden was a senior citizen lost in a grocery store parking lot? Slamming the brakes for no reason, circling endlessly for a spot because he forgot his own car’s handicap sticker, and still managing to dent every fender in sight? It was slow. So god-damned slow. I never thought I’d see an old shithead who liked to freebase with his son not have a single spark of fun in his eye, but the modern left? They’re cautious cowards wiring political car bombs under every policy while preaching “wrequity” and “wrequality”—my terms for their sanctimonious equity obsession that wrecks everything it touches.
The wrequitable Biden admin was so busy pinning every scratch on Trump that the GOP’s landslide swept in like divine judgment, decluttering the deep state, clawing the RINO GOP into shape, and exposing the last four years’ sins so blatantly that the Almighty handed Biden a plague of prostate cancer. Is this God signaling He’s pro-state now that Trump’s back?
You know the score—countless articles gush over this administration’s early wins, and while both you and I could write an essay of jokes about where Joe keeps his urostomy bag, but I’m here to preach a new gospel: a cultural revolution the left swore we couldn’t pull off. We all know how badly we needed Trump to dismantle the left’s censorious “anti-racist” dogmatic control. And sure, we got some liberal tears, but crying won’t save them when their TDS punching bag—Trump—ushers in a post-racist utopia.
SIDE NOTE:
No trigger warnings here. If you’re clutching pearls, stop reading, you pathetic loser. And don’t bother reaching out. I know what you’d say anyway. You’d play the naysayer, still draped in the KKK hoods you and your Democrat ancestors stitched, pointing at “ACTUALLY, white supremacy on the right” while name-dropping Kanye West as “one of them.” (Don’t forget to clarify that “them” means white supremacists, so nobody knows what you’re thinking.)
END NOTE
Okay, back to the piece. Their accusations are laughable, but as the only post-racial party in America, I take their braindead insults as a badge of honor under our colorblind coalition. They’re half-right: in Trump 2.5’s America, every patriot is white. We’re the only Western nation that doesn’t flog its successful heritage into submission. To every human—red, yellow, black, brown—who binds themselves to our sacred project, we say: you’re white too!
We don’t ask you to ditch your family’s old-world roots—that wouldn’t fit human nature. But only here do you inherit the glory of Western civilization the moment you’re forged as a true American. Before this nation, natives spoke of a “Forge of the Eagle,” where dreams were shaped. Under Trump, that forge turned “making” America great into America is great. Now, we rekindle it a third time—for you. Made Americans Gain A Whiteness. The MAGA cry is now the eagle’s scream: MAGAW!
When all cultures weave into our American whiteness, the left’s DEI nonsense dies—there’s nothing left to divide us! Their racist history months become absurd. MAGAW again! Every culture’s story in America is now the saga of Great American Whiteness. Those claiming our heritage is hollow have nothing left to say when every culture is white culture here. When these racist, pride-month larpers try to dilute our collective whiteness, making Americans gay and woke, shout them down. MAGAW AGAIN!
This is the eagle’s cry of the truly moral, truly post-racial, truly democratic patriots. Shout MAGAW! I am white. Our legal immigrants are white. Kanye is white. Christ is white! MAGAW weaves the unicultural tapestry of All-American Whiteness.
Except for Wops
-Farley Dirk
