How Gardevoir Destroyed the West

Peter Thiel’s favorite pokemon is a threat to Western Civilization – And nobody is talking about it. Long admired for her elegance and beauty, for years cultured poke-enjoyers appreciated the glorious form of the mighty gardevoir. Back in the day, pokemon didn’t have to deal with such questions of “gender” and “reproduction” a Nidoking was a Nidoking and a Nidoqueen was a Nidoqueen. Now we have to deal with such wokestrosities (that is, woke monstrosities) like “gender ratios”. Back in my day, ratios didn’t have genders, we have to contend with such things as a “male 4/3’s” or wonder if a Jynx was femme-presenting perhaps co-authored by Judith Butler and a Slowbro. That’s a topic for another article which is a subject for another article.

Liminality, Liberation and Lying to our Children,

Gaze upon the gardevoir and you will be impressed by her visage and powerful psychic typing. The radical left woke academics would have you believe that there are MALE gardevoirs when in fact, you can clearly tell that she is a Woman, not that the radical wokescolds can tell you what that is. Dr. Elian Verhofstadt – who holds a Ph. D. in Poke-Marxist Subversion or something clearly outlines the real goal of the left: Gardevoir is not just a psychic/fairy-type she’s a gender-bending ideological weapon.

“In the liminality of Gardevoir’s form—graceful, indeterminate, and unmoored from the binary—we find the seeds of a new revolutionary subject. The collapse of compulsory visual legibility, even in children’s media, is not an accident but a necessity. From such ambiguity, liberation may blossom.” — Dr. Elian Verhofstadt, “Aesthetic Subversion and the Pokémon Dialectic,” Journal of Revolutionary Semiotics, 2006

You can tell quite clearly that these so-called thinkers want to kidnap your children and turn them into ambiguous they/them’s and are attempting to indoctrinate them using games made for children, gone are the days that you could enjoy a rousing game of pokemon where your biggest problem is figuring out how to get past the safari zone, kooks like “Professor” Verhofstadt would have you endlessly ponder the gender of any given gardevoir. Kids no longer able to easily tell the difference between genders will start to wonder what if they’re different genders, canvassing their friends for access to bathtub estrogen and toilet bowl testosterone. Just last week my neighbors son asked if Slowpoke was nonbinary, the poor child didn’t even know that pokemon were virtual and all encoded as binary, that’s when I knew.

It’s Too Late – But Not Too Late,

It’s too late to undo the cultural damage: Gardevoir is already in Smash, and likely tenure tracked at Oberlin. But it’s not too late to resist. Reach out to the Pokémon Company. Demand more NidoKINGS and fewer NidoTHEYS. In the end, I don’t want Pokémon that challenge my worldview. I just want to know what gender a monster is—at a glance. Is that too much to ask?

-Beegs