Valve Crashes CS2 Market, Dozens Commit Suicide
On this October 23 of 2025 we have witnessed the greatest transfer of wealth into the hands of the 1%. The Market cap has plummeted from$5.9 billion to $4.2 billion overnight.
It began yesterday when Valve released a patch that, “[e]xtended functionality of the ‘trade up contracts’ to allow exchanging 5 items of covert quality into… regular knifes and gloves. Theoretically doubling the supply of these items overnight, according to BNN’s head editor; “Investors are shook” he told us. Commonly referred to as Nostragohndim for correctly predicting the silver market, he expects that “high tier” knives and gloves will settle at 40%. Despite his reluctant bullish stance on the CS skin market, he has reported a massive six figure loss as of the writing of this article.
On the other hand, a fellow CS skin trader, finance bro, and ethnically ambiguous individual, Quaggy, is celebrating the market crash describing it as a bargain sale. He has told BNN he intends to buy the dip, “people will sell which should drive up the price…” he explained. However, Gohndim is still waiting to see how the Chinese whales react to the recent market crash. Reports are calculating that consumer confidence is rather high at a surprising ~90%; while the other 10% are in CS2 vc’s asking their teammates why they lost over $20,000 in their CS skin portfolio overnight while being ignored and team killed.
What this means for BNN
As I walked into the office this morning prepared for an ordinary day of work I was shocked to see the newsroom empty and ransacked. Finding our head editor with an empty bottle of cane sugar liquor passed out on the floor at his office. Unbeknownst to myself and the rest of the staff our retirement fund had been used as collateral to cover Gohndim’s over leveraged position in CS skins.
What this means for the BNN reader
Despite our unfortunate situation and liquidity issues we will continue to bring you breaking news on a daily basis. Our Financial team is working on getting new sponsors to keep us afloat. We will also be ramping up the production on the Gohndim & Gilly podcast and push out as many episodes as possible to increase revenue. If you have been a long time reader of BNN the best way to support us during these trying times is to watch the pod multiple times, buy merch from our teespring shop, drop a dono at our gofundme, or cashapp us directly. In short BNN readers can look forward to more content on all fronts. We will be spending our way out of this recession.
-Vlex the Mex
