How To Not Be A Sexual Predator

Men have long been abusing the power they have over women, whether that power is purely physical or due to some status that a particular man holds in society. The recent tidal wave of Twitch and gaming-related sexual assault allegations has caught many by surprise. Perhaps some thought that the #MeToo movement would be confined to celebrities, Hollywood, and politicians. But gamers take things to the next level.

Not to be outdone by other segments of the population, gamers clearly have been on a warpath of sexual assault, rape, and genuinely astonishing behavior in a collective effort to achieve the high score in the game of “how many women can we violate?.” At this point, it would be safe to assume that basically every male Twitch streamer with a concurrent viewership over 500 is a sexual predator. This is the only logical conclusion given a Bayesian analysis.

For all of you small-time streamers out there, BNN has put together a short and concise guide on how to avoid becoming a sexual predator.

  • Being drunk is not an excuse for touching anyone inappropriately, especially in the “swimsuit area.”
  • Google the word “consent” and understand that before you engage in sexual activities you should receive this from your partner.
  • If you are having thoughts such as “wow I should drive 3 hours to this girls hours to rape her?” or “Twitchcon 2020 would be a great place to sexually assault some fans” then please find one of the 875 million firearms in the world and blow you fucking brains out you scumbag piece of shit.

In the end, the #MeToo movement is a predictable outcome for a society that has turned its back on God and Conservative family values. And clearly obsessive gaming drastically increases one’s probability of committing a disgusting sexual act. Don’t let your children grow up to be a Democrat, or even worse a gamer.

-Gohndim

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