The Film That Fights Wokeness

BNN rarely publishes film reviews and this is our first since reviewing Imreallyimportant’s low-budget crime thriller on stalking Twitch streamers. What follows is a review from our own Rareest Pepper on The Super Mario Bros. Movie, out now in theaters everywhere!

The Super Mario Bros. Movie Review

What an incredible movie. To say more is to cheapen the initial statement but more must be said! Of all of the video game movies to be great, I did not expect this to be the one. It has redeemed all video game movies and then some. The voice acting was fantastic. I didn’t even realize that fat retard Seth Rogen played DK until the joyous chaos that went down on Rainbow Road. The humour was on point and not overbearing. Bowser rehearsing his wedding proposal to a transgender magikoopa hit just right. And Bowser sang! Bravo Jack Black, after a decade and a half of complete stinkers you have made all gamers proud.

The movie means so much more to the intent observer. Given the plague of wokeness and liberal degeneracy today, one could have expected disaster. Having to sit through a preview with a black (non-cannon) Little Mermaid certainly made me think of the numerous steps Illumination could take to pander to adults and poison young minds. And yet, I cannot think of a single instance of SJW bullshit making its way into the movie. Peach could have been non-binary. The monkeys could have been calm and civilized. The entire forced marriage arc could have been scrubbed. I was beyond tickled that the entire movie actively fought against the current social climate. Peach was skinny AF, blonde, and had blue eyes, the perfect woman. Everyone made fun of the Mario Bros. until they got off of their ass and accomplished something. There was an obvious social hierarchy that made it clear that the fair-skinned humanoids were in charge.

And the audience, both young and old alike, loved it. For a movie that barely seemed 90 minutes long, the lessons are long-lasting and reassuring. My only minor criticisms are that I did not see Lanky Kong and everyone survived the ritual sacrifice. Otherwise the movie is as close to perfect that one can find on this side of heaven.

FIVE GIANT FUCKING STARS