How to Be a Good Ally to Yourself: A Self-Help Guide for Jews Who Keep Getting Themselves Targeted

The tremors of a seismic political shift were felt in New York City last week. In an unexpected victory over New York’s elites, Queens Assemblyman Zohran Mamdani broke through to win the New York City Mayoral Democratic Primary over the likes of disgraced sex-pest Andrew Cuomo.

Mamdani is a clear unifying force amongst New Yorkers, bringing together a diverse coalition of white New Yorkers spanning all wealth tiers to support the most progressive candidate ever to win the Democratic Mayoral Primary. Mamdani’s policies will not only help to prevent the rising of already high rents in New York City, but will also spur on the building of affordable housing with permanent rent freezes in the most desirable neighborhoods. Government-owned supermarkets help curb the predatory pricing structures of the greedy grocery markets run by shadowy financiers stealing money from honest, hard-working New Yorkers. Soon gone are the days of $12 heirloom tomatoes and $100 kombucha starter kits, where all the profit goes into the pockets of Jeffrey Bezos and his ilk. We will be welcoming with open arms dollar tomatoes at the People’s Pantry.

Mamdani’s detractors (haters) have put forth claims of alleged anti-Semitism about the soon-to-be Mayor. Just the other day, I personally heard someone say that Mamdani’s tweet on October 8th about Israel’s unjustified response to the grass-roots freedom fighting efforts by Palestinian victims was somehow anti-Semitic. These claims are ridiculous and purely rooted in Islamophobia. If anything, Mamdani’s statement went too far in favor of Zionists, failing to separate out the mourning of the tragic deaths of revolutionaries from those of current, former, and future IDF members. But, other than that, his statement was perfect and fully captured what we all were thinking at the time, that Israel was wholly at fault for the events of what I like to call Liberation Day. Not only are these claims of anti-Semitism bogus and defamatory, they actually lead to an increase of actual anti-Semitism in New York City.

If these people are actually concerned about the incredibly rare issue of anti-Semitism in New York, I’ve put together some tips to help resolve this niche issue:

1. Stop conflating Israel with Judaism. When people like myself are criticizing Israel, Zionism, Globalists, or the Rothschilds we are not talking about the Jews. We are criticizing very specific groups of people who are in total control of all facets of society, like Hollywood, financial institutions, and Congress. Unless I used the word Jew, why would you even think I am talking about Jewish people specifically? In fact, if you think that, it actually demonstrates bigotry on your end as you are the one connecting Jews with Globalists.,
2. Stop publicly complaining about anti-Semitism when there are bigger issues in the world. There’s currently a genocide going on in Gaza and the West Bank, there’s no time for us to have to hear about your issues.,
3. When talking on the phone in public, try to stop yelling when speaking Hebrew/Yiddish/Gibberish. While I can bear lower volumes and singing, the sound of yelling is just disgusting to myself and others. If you do not want people to know that you support Israel, just speak quieter.,
4. Avoid getting involved in media or politics. One of the major tenets of American values is an independent media. This means a media independent of funding from organizations like AIPAC and the ADL. Unless you’re one of the good ones (e.g., Bernie Sanders), stay away!
5. Scale back on wealth accumulation. The only people who are going to be negatively affected by Mayor Mamdani’s policies are the überrichen. If you want to avoid being a rightful target, you should consider being less greedy and joining the professional-managerial class like the rest of us Marxists.,
6. Travel! I know times have been stressful for everyone between everything going on at the federal level and the on-going genocide in Palestine. My best advice for all Zionists in New York City is to pack your bags and take a one way trip to somewhere cheap and cool for the summer. I’ve heard great things about Poland and Lithuania.

I hope these tips help everyone who is concerned about the purported issue of anti-Semitism in New York City. For everyone else, I hope to see you at the ballot box on Election Day!

-Hayden Praxis

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