Twitch Lawyer Bastiat Shoots And Kills Immigrant In Miami Bar

Late last night at a Cuban bar and restaurant in Miami, twitch attorney Bastiat allegedly shot and killed another patron who slapped him.

Details remain fuzzy but witnesses saw the man slap Bastiat after Bastiat smelled his hands gently while whispering about Bath and Bodyworks lotions. The man then said “what are you going to do – shoot me?” before being shot 13 times by Bastiat, only four more times than police needed to take down Jacob Blake.

BNN has offered to cover Bastiat’s legal defense funds in whole since self defense is always morally right and just. Please consider purchasing our fabulous merchandise, including a stylish Bastiat cloth facemask, at our Teespring store.

–Rareest Pepper